“Seek and Ye Shall Find”: My Conversion to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Commonly Known As the Mormon Church) by staff
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on April 19, 2008 |
As a Child…
I still remember standing at the top of the stairs as a child wondering who I was and why I was on the earth. I hungered for that knowledge like no other, and I felt spiritually starved. I attended a Christian church but asked what to them were unanswerable questions. I posed a few like these: “Well, who lived in heaven and took part in that war besides Jesus? (If there was a war in heaven, as taught, then there had to have been more than two people there, I reasoned.); Why do I have to confess the same sins twice?” and “How can God and Jesus be the same person?” I lived as if on a daily spiritual fare of milk and toast, not knowing there was a buffet table divinely set and beckoning me.
What’s My Purpose?
Questions about the purpose of life sprang up as consistently as crocuses do in spring, any time I was willing to allow them to pop through the soil of my soul. At one particular point in my life, I began to despair that I would never know my purpose or the answers to the questions of my heart. Without those answers, the desire to live waned. The world looked cold and senseless. How could I function from day to day without knowing ‘why’ I was functioning? I couldn’t tick if I didn’t know why I was ticking.
Lacking Some Key to the Universe
Lacking some key to the universe, I sat despondently on the edge of my studio bed, staring at a bottle of sleeping pills. I thought about my circumstances. I had little impetus for moving forward from day to day. I was tired of fumbling for house keys in the cold, of working for work’s sake, of studying theories spilled over in classes without a rod to evaluate them. So I planned to give up on life. At that time, though, I was caught by surprise- by a gentle but profound strain of impressions from a loving Father through what I now recognize as His Spirit. I was told, through those welcome whisperings, that “every moment of love and every moment of discovery in my life had not been wasted” and that I “must have the courage to live on.” I was also told, in fact spiritually guaranteed, that I would find the purpose of life. I accepted with confidence those impressions though I didn’t quite comprehend their appearance on the screen of my soul.
Receiving a Spiritual Witness
I spent the next months contemplating my life. On one remarkable occasion, as I was jogging around the neighborhood under the exquisite light of a full moon, I received what I can only describe as an injection of truth–a stunning, indelible witness that God lived. I recall sitting down on the curb, sobbing, tears of joy. I was changed instantly. I felt loved, and I felt an overwhelming inclination to love like never before. I knew there was a God which thing I hadn’t known for myself just moments before. I knew, at last, I had a purpose. This was so delicious to taste. I longed to know more about God, his plan for me and my duty and responsibility towards Him and others.
So Which Church Is True?
I borrowed a Bible from a Catholic Church, lay out in the field behind the rectory, and read through the New Testament for the first time. I marveled that this book had been preserved for me– and anyone else looking for truth. I particularly recall pondering the word, “saved” and the atonement of Christ. I was filled to know that the Lord, who had just literally saved my life physically, had also died to save me spiritually. I knew that I had an advocate in whom I could completely trust.
I then began to identify and list in my trusty silver notebook, points of doctrine Christ had espoused and the characteristics of his Church. A little like Joseph, I wanted to know which Church taught the truth about the Savior. I learned much from that first scriptural immersion. But three ideas particularly prepared me for the fullness of the gospel. First, I knew that we could become perfect even as God is, for the Savior Himself taught the doctrine of perfection to his apostles as recorded in Matthew 12:48. Secondly, I anticipated more revelation than the Bible for the Lord told His apostles (in Mark) that there was more to be revealed that they were not ready to bear. Thirdly, I embraced the truth that there was only one, true way to salvation as the scriptures indicated: “one faith, one baptism.” In fact, I envisioned a time when all quarrels among churches would end, and all denominations would be subsumed under the one true church. I decided to begin a search for the true Church, thinking, again, that it was, likely, not on the earth. After visits to dozens of churches–from Swedenborgian to Methodist–and reading through many books and pamphlets, comparing their teachings with those I learned in the scriptures, I always came up empty. No one, it seemed, scored on every point. There was always some disappointing deviation from what I learned from the scriptures to anticipate in Christ’s Church.
Finding Truth in the Strangest of Places
During another investigative visit to a different denominational church, I found myself, again, disappointed. This time, I was on the brink of abandoning my quest altogether. It was too painful to think that so many who professed the Christ did not know the full truth about Him or about the ways He indicated we should administer his ordinances. Just then, on my way out of the building, I discovered an “anti-Mormon” brochure on a rack in the vestibule. As I was in the habit of collecting whatever I could grasp on various religions, I clasped it eagerly and tucked it away to read at home. When I arrived at the Baptist minister’s home, where I was a guest, I began to devour this pamphlet. I read eagerly some of the claims of the Church, namely, that we could become perfect (”As God is man may become.”); that there was additional revelation than the Bible (something called a Book of Mormon and Doctrine and Covenants); that there was a code of health (which I ‘d anticipated through the Spirit); and more. The critical comments seemed superfluous, and I recognized those “Mormon” claims as true from my own reading of the New Testament.
I was electrified and knew I had found something more than a kernel of truth. I searched for a Book of Mormon and found one in a small library in Huntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania and took it home with a half gallon of ice cream. I dipped into both that night and hardly slept. I knew it was true. Before I found the book, I located in a different library a file of pamphlets on the purpose of life left by a missionary whom I do not know but will one day embrace. In there, I found the purpose of life clearly explained. It thrilled me and I barely contained my emotion. It was all I could do to refrain from squeezing the whispering librarians stacking the shelves. I recognized it immediately as the truth.
I eventually looked up “Mormons” in the phone directory, and read, “See The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” It made perfect sense to me that the Savior would reserve His full name for His true and living Church. I eventually called the Church and, through a wonderful Australian family, the Lovelands, later met the missionaries. I read the Joseph Smith record of the first vision and knew that he had written and described truthfully his search for truth and his unexpected beautiful answer in seeing personally the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ. I testify his account and experience are true. I felt in some small measure that I understood his search, for I had made one myself, for the same reason. I felt gratitude, for his prayer was answered in a marvelous way, to bring back the light that I had only to accept.
I entered the waters of baptism a short time later and received the gift of the Holy Ghost, and feel like the lights have been turned on in my life as the lights of the gospel were turned on through the restoration of Christ’s Church. I have come to love Joseph more and more for his willingness to stand alone often and immovable against mobs, opposition, and persecution in order to defend and sustain the kingdom. I love him for his love of the Savior and for his understanding of the gospel and of temple ordinances. I love him for being true, even to death, that we might know Christ through his restored teachings.
I love the Savior and know that He is perfect in every attribute. I know that He loves each of us and that He has a plan for our lives. I testify that He lives as a glorified being, that He is separate from the Father, and the Holy Ghost, though they are one in purpose, mind, and will. I testify that the Savior actively intervenes in our life through His word, Spirit, and living oracles—including twelve apostles and a living prophet. I testify that His Church is upon the earth, even The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and invite all honest truth-seekers to investigate for themselves these eternal doctrines.
For more information, please feel free to visit http://www.mormon.org, ldsblogs.com, MormonWiki, or http://www.moregoodfoundation.org.
