As background, I served in the Bolivia-Santa Cruz mission, between October 1978-October 1980. At the time, the mission included all the ‘departments’ (states) of Bolivia except La Paz, Oruro and Potosí. The city of Santa Cruz is laid out in concentric rings, with broad avenues forming ’spokes’ radiating out from the central square, or plaza.

One night my companion and I were tracting along one of the ’spokes,’ making sure we visited the scattered homes along the avenue as we made our way from one neighborhood to another. We were admitted to one house where we sat with the father of a family and his son-in-law and his daughter’s boyfriend. The father was quite resistant and smug in his ‘born-a-Catholic, die-a-Catholic” comfort, and seemed to enjoy contradicting and arguing with us. Ultimately we fell back to bearing our testimonies in preparation for excusing ourselves. As we reviewed the basics and bore testimony of Joseph Smith and the Restoration, most everyone in the room sat politely and the father leaned back in his chair, the very picture of skepticism. The daughter’s boyfriend, however leaned forward with his eyes wide, raptly attentive to every word. As we bid farewell, he shook our hands vigorously and said, with a directness not usual in Latin culture, “I want you to visit my house!” We did so and by the end of our first visit, the Spirit was so strong that, standing at the door we explained the need for baptism and invited Rolando to follow the Savior in being baptized. He readily agreed and, after determining that sacrificing soccer play on Sundays was worth the reward, became a member of the Church. Lessons with Rolando were always spiritual feasts for all of us and we were often moved to tears. In particular, I will always remember the spirit that attended us as Rolando read for the first time from D&C 121. His girlfriend later joined the Church also, they married and Rolando went on to serve as Bishop, Stake President and Mission President. Proof that the Lord knows where his sheep are hidden and is able to call them one of a city and two of a family.

In another town, Quillacollo, near Cochabamba, I was newly assigned and went with my companion to visit a woman he and his prior companion had baptized. She had health and employment issues and had asked for a blessing. Her husband had just abandoned her, she was expecting and doctors had told her that without surgery she would lose her child, yet her employer had told her if she took time off for the surgery, she would lose her position. My own faith was weak and I was afraid that I would not be able to do anything to help her. In fact, I’m ashamed to recall having thought, almost scornfully, “What does she expect? A miracle!?” As I listened to her explain her plight, however, I was touched by her simple faith and resolved within myself to give voice to whatever prompting I might feel in blessing her. As soon as I placed my hands on her head, I had a flash of understanding, like comprehending the entire contents of a book just by picking it up. From there, I was left to put into words everything that I had learned so suddenly. Sister Justiniano received her miracle, and while she did have to submit to surgery, she kept both her job and her baby and the son I had known she carried was born and I was privileged to be present as he was blessed.

These experiences, among others, taught me that God is real, that he knows his children individually and that He hears their concerns and responds to them with compassion and love, that the priesthood authority claimed by the Church is indeed the power of God directed through men to bless His children, and that a person’s faith is efficacious in calling down blessings from heaven. Above all, I can testify that the work of the Church is His work and He actively directs it.

She was a natural entrepreneur and inculcated in me a spirit of sacrifice, honesty and self sufficiency that is still with me to this day. She was also instrumental in exposing me to the Gospel, which in itself is all together a miracle. Cuba has a Roman Catholic religious tradition with very strong African religious rituals and practices. She rejected those traditions all her life. She discovered “her God” in the pages of an old battered bible left behind in the 19th century by a plantation owner. There she found Isaiah and the promise of the Temple to ALL people. There she found and understood the coming forth of Christ and the Atonement, the true nature of the Trinity and the absolute need for baptism. For more than 40 years in Cuba we have been enslaved by Communism and cut off from the world. We had no idea about the Restoration.

She spoke and read to me of “her God” as if she had a relationship with Him like none I knew. The same God gave her dreams about impending floods, hurricane and insect infestations that threatened our town. The same God showed her that “there are men on the earth that walk with God and He hears their prayers like onto Moses.” She was convinced that we were born in the wrong country but with faith one day I would find them.

I joined the Cuban army at age 17. I wandered the jungles of Central and South America, the Savannas in Central Africa and the barren deserts of Ethiopia as a military intelligence officer. I witnessed unimaginable brutality and carnage in the name of country and a doctrine based on repression and fear. Many of my friends died. But the hand of the God of my grandmother shielded me, protected me and comforted me through those years of nightmares and despair. I made my way to America in 1990 and my grandmother died in 1995 just two years before I found the church and the truth that I sought for so many years.
In 1988, while on a mission in the highlands of Honduras I was shot in the head by a sniper. What follow is a true account and my testimony of what transpired:
The next moment, as if in a dream, my head exploded, jerking my cervical spine upwards, in a counter clock motion. And then there was silence. Nothing but the dark, bottomless, and insipid silence that accompanied the fall of my body to the muddy ground two feet below. It seemed like two miles.

The report of the weapon fired across the gorge registered in my traumatized brain a full two seconds later. It sounded far, like a distant echo of thunder. I laid face down, my mouth quickly filling with the unsavory mix of my own blood and the clay and grass of the flooded valley floor. I laid there, my brain in shock and unable to process any of the higher motor functions.

I could hear my own breathing, fast, labored, insufficient with blood gurgling in my throat. After a few seconds, or minutes, the realization of my impending death sparked through my consciousness like lightning. I was dying. I lay there broken, unable to move for what seem like a lifetime. I sobbed quietly, helplessly.

I lost all sense of time as I waited for the sniper to return. Occasionally they do. They come close to “confirm the kill,” they come for a souvenir. After all, he’d been hunting me for a few days. He never came, fearful perhaps of being caught in the open and alone by a larger enemy group. If he felt safe, he’d have watched the fallen prey for half an hour or so, observing for signs of life. He was convinced I was dead and I believed it myself. Most people have never truly and intentionally considered what happens to human beings when they know that their lives are certainly about to be over—especially if there’s no prolonged illness or chronic condition. Popular media has attempted some romanticized interpretation of the pre-death experience. I haven’t seen a convincing one.

Fear. Overwhelming and undiluted terror seizes you. The realization that, conclusively, in just seconds you’ll stand face-to-face, eye-to-eye with the God of the universe is a frightening experience without equal. For me, the thought of being under the all-searching eye of God wasn’t appealing. Not on account of my life.

The fear and apprehension that gripped my entrails, the physical pain that accompanied that moment of despair had no parallel in my life’s existence. I had no words, no explanations, and no excuses. I wasn’t ready to die but I couldn’t escape what seemed the unavoidable outcome of my injuries.

I sobbed, quietly at first, the pain and fear intensifying every minute with the decrease of my physical strength due to the loss of blood. I cried bitterly like never before or since.

I thought of my grandmother. What would she have me say? What could I say to her God? Life, mine at least, seemed distant, disconnected, and almost like a dream. It occurred to me then that I’d wasted my life. For all my accomplishments, scholastic and military, the painful fact remained that nothing, absolutely nothing I’d done at that point was of any real relevance. There was nothing in my life that had been noteworthy. There was nothing that could transcend time and impact others. In fact, away from a few trinkets stored at home and a few black and white photographs in serious peril of extinction, there was no evidence of my existence.

I’d spent my life and time on the earth in a useless and futile struggle. I’d exhausted every opportunity and hour “in the endless game of nothingness,” like Grandma used to say.

I’d seen it before. A “political officer” went to the home of the fallen soldier early in the morning, then read or rehearsed a script about “patriotic duty, heroism, and invaluable service to the country” and so on. It was some meaningless rhetoric designed by someone who had no children, at least none that were in harm’s way, none that had died in a dark and lonely jungle.

“What do I do, Abuela?” I asked myself, my voice barely audible.

I knew what I needed to do. The “how” was the dilemma. Speaking to God has always been a serious, quite involved process. First, there was the issue of, what do you say to God that He already doesn’t know? For me, there was always a certain amount of trepidation in approaching the God of the whole creation.

“Son, we don’t deserve to be heard, but He does,” Grandma used to say. “Humility is the key. Be aware that we’re unworthy of His attention and His care but He offers it to us nonetheless.”

I remembered. Amidst my tears, my fear and sorrow, I remembered.

I spat the blood and mud from my mouth and twisted my body painfully, slowly to face heaven. I cried some more.

“God of my grandmother. I know You can hear for my grandma says You can hear even the creatures that creep in the grass. I’m about to die and maybe I deserve to die; only You know that. I won’t tell You of the things I’ve done wrong for You know them all, God. I pray to You today so that You may be merciful to me. I pray that You may forgive me of all my sins, that You may not look at them anymore, God.”

The wind and the rain abated for a few minutes. The treetops danced softly in the warm breeze as if unwilling to interrupt my prayer. Now and again I could see the stars in the sky in between the dark clouds that rushed across.

“God of my grandmother, I know about and I believe in You because I’ve seen the things that You have done for my grandma. Even if You won’t do anything for me, I believe in You and everything Grandma has taught me about You. She says You’re a God of miracles and I believe. I know that You sent Your Son Jesus Christ to be killed for our sins. I pray today, God, that You will forgive me because of Your Son, for then He also died for my sins. Yours is my spirit and You will be my God. I pray to You today that though I have nothing left and am about to die, the sound of my voice remains here on the earth even though my sprit leaves. But I say this before I die so that You know that I believed in You before I saw You in Heaven, God.

“Take me then, God, and don’t let me suffer any longer. Comfort my grandmother, God, for she is old and she loves me. Help her, God, that she may be able to bear my death and live until You take her to heaven that I may see her again. Forgive me, God. Forgive me, God.”

I wept again, now however, with a tingling in the pit of my stomach. I felt almost happy. I’d said my peace and acknowledged before God the insignificance of my existence. I felt complete. I was now willing to surrender to His will and die.

The rain returned but not the wind. It fell thin and soft, warm and quiet over the already saturated valley floor. I listened and lost myself in memories of distant laughter and children’s play. I remembered Grandma’s warm and aromatic kitchen, the rumor of the seashore, and the wind chime made out of seashells hanging in the patio window.

Inconsequential memories, perhaps, but those were the only meaningful things in my life, I realized. The long talks over the dinner table, the silent moments of quiet reflection while digging about in the small vegetable garden, those were my treasures. Absorbed into those and many other scattered memories, I slipped into unconsciousness.

“Not yet,” I heard inside my rattled brain with astonishing clarity. No cymbal, no trump, no earth-shattering tremor. The quiet and simple phrase startled and surprised me at the same time.

I was in shock due to the loss of blood and my rattled brain had but a spark or electrical impulse barely enough to keep my body alive. The magnitude of the event, the realization that I had been a witness and a recipient of a true miracle and how this event would transform my life would come days later.

I wiggled my soggy toes inside my boots and wiped the blood from my face. The pain on the side of my face was gone, replaced now by a strong pressure over my right eye. I touched my head and the tactile experience was horrific. I could feel the mangled mass of bone and tissue “loose” on the side of my face.

It has taken me many years to find the courage to share glimpses of the life story of my grandmother and an account of my search for truth, spiritual nourishment, and ultimately God. My life, both here and in my native land, has been fraught with struggles, disappointments, and bittersweet experiences. I’ve embraced this country as my own since in the land of my ancestors I have nothing but memories. Therefore, with immense gratitude I call this land my country.

As a keen and honest observer of the world around me, I can thus attest that our country has problems, some actual, some imagined. I’ve traveled beyond these borders and into other lands, thus I believe I speak with some authority on the issue. I can sincerely attest to the uniqueness and special character of this land. Failure to recognize how exceptional this country is, in my at times not-so-humble opinion, conveys an affront to God. This country, as some contend, may not be the best country in the world. But for those that will read these lines and as one that gives witness to this truth, I can sincerely declare that there is no better one.

The founding and development of this nation wasn’t an act of fortuity. It wasn’t luck or chance. The existence and emergence of this land was the result of careful planning and care on the side of the Lord. The coming forth of The Book of Mormon and the restoration of the gospel and all the miracles that accompanied those events had been foretold for millennia.

It’s my testimony that the earth and all that is in it is the Lord’s. We’re His offspring and thus equipped to attain, in time, a level of light, knowledge, and intelligence that will surpass in order of magnitude our current state. All knowledge belongs to Him and nothing is lost to Him. Although He had scattered the nations to and fro across the face of the earth and the oceans, He knows precisely where He has driven them.

I’m convinced that He pours a measure of His spirit of revelation to all those who seek Him with real intent and a pure heart. And it’s that revelation that constitutes the seed of His word and the desire to come to know Him, the Eternal Father. There are men and women all over the earth in distant lands and on the isles of the sea that cry His name and He hears them. It’s therefore our responsibility to seize on the wind of faith and go to on His errand to every corner of the world where His children call on His name for mercy and salvation. Such responsibility can’t be abdicated and in virtue of the abundant blessings that have been poured upon us in this land, we must obey.

I’m indeed grateful beyond measure that the Lord has led my steps unto this land—that I’ve found peace, the truth, and the knowledge that my grandmother desired for me. I’m grateful that the mercies of the Lord extend to those who have crossed the veil without the opportunity to receive the ordinances of salvation. The Lord has inspired His prophets to build many temples in the high places where we may worship and perform under His watchful eye inside His holy mountain.

It’s my witness that as before, the God of the universe has answered the prayer of the simple, the humble but faithful, and has spoken by the mouth of his prophets. I also testify that Joseph Smith was the one chosen to open the doors of the kingdom of heaven and allow the light and truth lost to memory to return. I have an unbending testimony of the restoration of the priesthood of God to the earth, and that such will be the foundation of His kingdom until Christ declares that the work is done. I express infinite gratitude to my Heavenly Father for allowing me to bear the priesthood in order to perform the ordinances of salvation here on the earth. I’m grateful for this endowment that allows me, for the first time in more than 2000 years, to restore to my ancestral line that which may have been lost to my kindred dead.

I’m thus willing to declare with humility but with full intent that I’ve placed my eternal salvation and that of my family on the fact that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is indeed the church of the Savior. I’ve received, in faith and on account of my own life being in mortal danger, a personal testimony that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of the Eternal Father, and that He lives. It is of Him whom we testify, it is Him of whom we speak and say Master, Savior, and Redeemer. I declare that Jesus Christ is the instrument of salvation for the dying world and I’ve pledged to dedicate my life to the work of spreading His gospel. He is the same that was crucified for the sins of mankind, past, present, and future, and none will be saved except one confesses faith and belief in Him. We worship Him because He lives and guides the affairs of the kingdom through His prophets, seers, and revelators, Gordon B. Hinckley being the keeper of the keys of the priesthood and of the gathering in this day.

I know that through Jesus Christ we’re partakers of the covenant of the patriarchs. That in one measure or other, the blood of Israel runs through our veins and the blessings promised to them is also our promise. Thus we must remain faithful to the covenants, old and new, in order to receive the everlasting blessings of the gathering onto Zion.

I’ve prayed that we may have the faith and strength to endure the trials that will surely come. I’ve prayed that we may not fear or heed to the rumors of war and the power of tyrants and those that oppress. I’ve prayed that we may be sharp tools in the hands of the Lord to carve His word in the hearts of those who are looking for His truth. There are millions of men and women pleading in the dark for the light of the gospel and to them we most go or account for our lack of diligence at the last day.

It is my testimony that if we are faithful and true to the stewardship that we’ve been given, we’ll be counted among those present under the bright morning light when the trump will sound from the edge of the universe announcing the coming of the Lord Almighty and the resurrection of those who crossed the veil professing faith in Christ.

Prayer

I know that Heavenly Father hears our prayers. He has answered mine so many times. He does not always give us answers immediately, and his answers often come through scriptures, lessons in Church, or even the helping hand of a friend, family member, or stranger. Everyone on Earth has the sublime privilege of speaking to and being heard by the Almighty. He does not ignore us when we sin; he does not even ignore us when we ignore him. Heavenly Father is a true and steady and eternal friend if we will build a relationship with him through prayer. He is the best listener we could ever spill our hearts to, and he will always answer with what will work out the best for us - even if it doesn’t work out in this life.

Jesus Christ is our advocate with the Father. Through him and in his name we speak to God. Only through Jesus Christ can we be forgiven of our sins, and God does forgive us. We can receive immense blessings from Heavenly Father, but we have to ask for them. He can do amazing things in our lives, but we have to believe his answers to our prayers. Sometimes they don’t make sense right away.

My experience with prayer in choosing a mate

After having a very rough breakup with a man I’d been engaged to, I thought long and hard about the kind of guy I really did want to end up with. I didn’t think I deserved him. I prayed fervently to my Father in Heaven to ask if he would help me do several things: decide what I really wanted, deserve that kind of man, be the kind of girl that that kind of guy wants to date, and find and date that kind of man. After praying, my mind was clear, and I made a list of qualities. They were things that were missing from some of the people I’d dated, things that I loved in people I’d dated, qualities I wanted to develop, good traits I’d seen in my father and brother and friends, and other things that the Spirit inspired me to write. Like Oliver Cowdery, I needed to study the problem out in my mind.

Once I had studied and appended my list repeatedly, I knelt again to pray. I felt the Lord’s approval of my efforts, and his gladness at my desire to develop the traits I had listed. Prayer has the power to match up our will with the will of God, and I knew after that prayer that God would help me find the type of man that both he and I wanted me to have. I knew it might take a very long time, but I was willing to wait however long it took to receive the blessings the Lord had promised according to my diligence.

As I dated other men, I continually added to my list traits that I liked or would have liked. Four months after I made my list, a young man from one of my classes (one I hadn’t noticed in particular) asked me on a date. After our date, I went home and added five more traits to my list (which ended up being about 75 items long). I found him in line with all of my list items, and continued to be impressed with him as we dated.

After a few months of dating, I started to feel impressed that something was wrong with me continuing to date him. I couldn’t understand why the Lord wouldn’t want me to date someone so wonderfully in accord with what we had agreed on before. I talked to this special young man about it, and realized that there was no problem with him except that he needed to date other people to find out if he really wanted to date me. Normally I would scoff at such a proposal and break up immediately, but the Lord’s warnings in answer to my prayers helped me to understand that this was necessary. More prayer confirmed to me in definite terms what I needed to do, but only little about why. It was painful and very difficult to break up with this incredible young man, but I did it because I knew that following the Lord’s counsel would bring me happiness, and not following it would bring me misery. It was a trial of my faith in God’s answers to prayers, and a test of my obedience, but I did obey in faith, and my reward was not long in coming. I learned crucial lessons about the power of prayer and the correctness of God’s counsel to me. I would never give up what I learned in exchange for relief from the pain of the experience, because I finally really knew that God would answer me, and that I would follow him.

A matter of days after our breakup, this special young man came to me and told me he wanted to continue dating me. As I continued in prayer over the relationship, I received blessed guidance from the Lord and, one night, a confirmation that I would be most happy if I married him. In June, about five months after we broke up, we married in the Temple. The Lord has kept every promise he made to me during my struggles, from helping me develop the good traits I wanted and finding them in a mate to the utter joy of my marriage. The Lord answers prayers, and those answers have infinite power to bless our lives if we obey. As I have obeyed the Lord, he has made it easier and easier to understand his answers to my prayers, and it has become easier for me to obey them - not because he asks me to do easier things, but because I know that I can glorify God and be blessed immensely by doing them.

Atonement

Jesus Christ truly suffered every pain of the world, and died and was resurrected so that we could be resurrected, too. These blessings sometimes seem simple, but they are most poignant when we are in pain. I never knew how much the Lord could help until I became ill with a painful stomach problem. It hindered my job, my schoolwork, my housework, and my performance in all other areas. My dear husband never lost patience, but cleaned the house, cared for me, and worked hard in my place to keep my life moving. He never complained to me or anyone else when I was dependent on him for so many things, and he could depend on me for so little. His Christlike example helped me realize the depth of the mercy of Christ. While my husband is imperfect, he made up for what I couldn’t do. How much more does Christ make up for what we cannot do? When we are tired or sick or weighed down by the pains of life, if we will rely on him and have faith in his atonement, we can be lifted up. He carries our lives on when we are too weak or weary, and he suffers our pains with us. I learned from the depth of mercy unexpected from one imperfect man, how Christ, being perfect, can succor me. The Son of God’s mercy is infinite if we repent and come to him. His forgiveness is eternal. When we cannot, he can, no matter how much we cannot do.

Priesthood

The priesthood truly is the power of God on Earth, and holders of the priesthood can do the work of God with the same power as if God were on the Earth doing that work, but God wills that they do it. Men are inspired in their priesthood stewardships to give advice and help that will help those they are in charge of. The advice does not come from their own knowledge, but from God, through the priesthood they have. Bishops have authority to receive guidance for their ward members and give it to them. I know this because I have received advice, blessings, and encouragement from God through priesthood blessings and counsel.

It is an immense blessing to have the priesthood in the home. Husbands and fathers have authority to bring blessings from God to their families. The priesthood has so many wonderful purposes on Earth, but the most wonderful is the missionary work young men can do by the priesthood, and the saving priesthood ordinances that follow. The priesthood gives men power to teach the gospel to the world, delivering a message from God that changes lives and brings people so much Joy. In baptism and in the temple, the priesthood allows people to make covenants with God that are binding forever, with eternal blessings attached.

Service

God gives each of us special talents and abilities. We have gifts of the Spirit and other gifts from God that let us do amazing things. Some people are blessed with good public speaking abilities, exceptional faith, knowledge, the ability to listen. Others still are blessed with different gifts. These gifts can help individuals grow, but they way people grow from their gifts is by using them to serve others. If we use everything we have to give to serve our fellow man, and through them, God, then God will bless us. In times when I have lost myself in difficult service, I have forgotten my own problems. When I was looking away from my own life toward the service of others, Heavenly Father healed parts of my life that needed healing.

Service of others is service to God, and service to God is also service to others. As I listen to the Holy Ghost and obey God in my own life, I can be an example to others. If I try to be like Jesus Christ, and if I love all people as God has commanded, I will naturally reach out to others in kindness. By obeying God and being a missionary, anyone can help others find joy and happiness in the Church. Service always blesses those who serve, and often, when our best efforts are not enough, the Lord can make up the difference, and use our service to bless others.

As we serve God, he gives us the gifts and blessings we need to give the right kind of service. Things that may seem like small acts to me have sometimes been magnified by the Lord to assist someone in ways I hadn’t expected. If we are willing to do the Lord’s work, we can open a door for the Lord’s hand to work in someone else’s life.

Visiting Teaching

One of my favorite forms of service is visiting teaching. It is a simple thing to visit another woman in the ward and deliver a message, but what that visit can mean can be sweet and complex. For me, visiting teaching has saved me from utter loneliness or given an answer to a really tough problem. My visiting teachers have helped me to not feel alone in my worries or problems. When I have visit taught, I have always been blessed with spiritual experiences and a feeling that I really do belong to the Church and to the Relief Society. My prayers have been answered even when I have been the one teaching the lesson.

Conclusion

My testimony grows as I study scriptures and the words of modern prophets. God has placed on the earth all that is needed for the salvation of all people, but we have to be willing to see it and take advantage of it. We can assume all of the amazing blessings we have on Earth are chance or luck, or we can choose to see the signs the Lord has given us: that he lives, that he loves us, that he has never and will never forsake us! We can choose to see the beauty around us as more than ambience, as a tool to teach us of Christ, of God, and of our nature and destiny. Prophets, scriptures, and missionaries are not the only things saying the God exists, and that he has a plan for us. Every tree, every human life, every star in the Heavens testifies: Jesus Christ is the Savior, the Gospel is restored, truth is here! No moment in time is void of God’s love for his children and willingness to help them.

God does not take away the agency of humankind, even to stop others from pain or destruction. We always have choices, and we can make good or bad ones. But God can always take our pain and suffering, our loss, or our sorrow and turn it into growth. He can let each of our heartaches bless us, and each of our trials teach us. We need not despair, for the Lord can change all of our pain into joy, and he will, whether in this life or in the next.

This is my testimony, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.